Intimacy issues in dating
Weakness and vulnerability can only be shown to those who are not in a position to damage our status in the masculine hierarchy. And to be sure: to an outside observer (or a significant other, for that matter) many platonic male-female relationships can seem like an intensely romantic connection, even when they’re nothing of the sort. But even then, it’s transitory, even suspect at best, because straight men “inevitably” want to sleep with their female friends. complete with the same prohibitions against masculine affection).As a result: we aren’t able to other men enough to open up to them.Plus, when you have people you can turn to, you’re more likely to seek out help when things are hard and you don’t feel like you can go on.People who have more friends also had lower blood-pressure, lower levels of cholesterol and overall greater quality of life.We don’t want to risk them mistaking our openness or affection for making a pass at them.Even in this day and age with greater acceptance of homosexuality, straight men , knawhuimmsayin?It takes a surprising amount of courage to open up and reach out to other men – after all, it requires fighting against years of social coding and gender expectations.By trying to foster a more intimate bond with somebody, you’re tacitly making yourself vulnerable and admitting to weaknesses, which is part of how men lose status amongst other men.
Hell, it’s hard enough finding new friendships in the first place.And it doesn’t help that we have precious few societal models for male intimacy that isn’t overtly romantic or played for bad comedy Sure,you’re allowed to let your guard down if you’ve fought Nazis together or are part of a criminal organization. So, many times are going to have to be the example of how you want others to respond to you. You have to be willing to put yourself out there and be comfortable with letting yourself be vulnerable, with the expectation that there will be people who will misunderstand what you’re doing.You have to signal your openness and make the first move and model the behavior you want from them in return. You’ll need to expect people will think that you’re coming on to them.In doing so, you may find yourself put into the position of being your friend’s emotional Sherpa, showing the way… There will be people who may call you “fag” or ask why you’re suddenly acting like a chick…even when want more closeness and intimacy as well.
It’s a cultural issue, part of the kabuki theater of gender roles that we still live by – men are the doers while women are the nurturers. Women are from greater levels of emotional intimacy, especially with other men. As I’ve mentioned before, men are taught to be disconnected from their emotions. and that’s pretty much just as femme-y as the other guy, so clearly the two of you might as well go out back and blow each other, right?